I did well in my required speech class at Judson...but I completly fell apart when I tried to speak for 2 minutes today. Having my speech written out in front of me and basically reading from it does not cut it in Preaching 101...at least if you don't want to be ripped apart by the prof. So, I took my 12 notecards up for my 2 minute talk and started out doing pretty well without them. By the time I got to what I should have been saying on card 6 my mind completly left me and never came back. I totally forgot what my last "powerful statement" was going to be and pretty much ended with ..."ok, that's it" Yeah...all I really wanted to do at that moment was run to the bathroom and cry( I had to wait about 4 hours to do that). My Prof commented that he liked the accent, which was one of those things that I was trying to concentrate on toning down, but that I needed to basically make a point and tie it up instead of giving to many details about something that didnt matter. I assured him that I had it written much more eloquently than I had spoken it and he quickly reminded me that this was a communications class so how I communiated it was all that was important.
Anyway...Once I got home, after having to go babysit, I let God have it. How could He let me fail so badly when this is something that I know he has called me to do. Not only did He call me to take this class but I believe that public speaking(maybe a little preaching) of some sort is going to be in my future. Is this my main calling? I don't think so. But, it is going to be a large enough part of my life that God saw fit for me to take this class.
As I was wallowing in my shame and venting to God I was reminded a few of my favorite verses. Psalm 139 reminded me that God knew me before I was even formed and he knows every word that I will speak before I speak it...even if it's embarrasing. I am fearfully and wonderfully made! While reading this chapter I read the first few verses before it. Psalm 138:8 says, The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love , O Lord, endures forever do not abandon the works of your hands. I know that today was a failure but God does have a purpose for me. I most likely will not be some powerful preacher but He is going to use me...even my imperfections. When I am weak He is strong. I think I just need to learn how to be weak...maybe that is what He is teaching me. I'm not sure. What I am sure about is it's not fun and I am going to mess up. But The Father has a purpose for me and he loves me even if I totally fail at a 2 minute talk.
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4 comments:
Thank you for being so transparent with your heart and sharing how you are really feeling. I am so proud of you and the woman that you are becoming. Just reading this blog, I can see how God has already changed you so much and allowed you to share your feelings so much easier. I am so proud of how you took this straight to God and found His Words to encourage you. I love you friend and I know that as you do the next speech, He will be your strength and His Words will just flow right through you!! :)
Marie, you have nothing to be ashamed of! This happens to all of us from time to time. I'm so proud of you for taking this class in preparation for the call that God has placed on your life. As you prepare for your next sermon, I pray that God will calm your nerves and jog your memory. As my professor told me after my last lecture, even Billy Graham got nervous before all of his many crusades. In fact, sometimes he even got sick!
Laura and Mandy,
Thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers. I really and confident that I will do better next time. I will be sure to let you know how it goes.
Hey Marie,
Considering where you have come from since I met you, this was anything but a failure. You are growing in your faith, and doing so both quickly and well. Thank you for being transparent. Also, in my preaching classes, I have learned to prepare in prayer, take my position in prayer and begin proclaiming in prayer. Once you have done these three things, let God finish, because it is His message and authority flowing through you.
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